“You’re Back!”

The dark corner of my soul welcomes me back
So far yet here again, I’m a selective amnesiac
Always seems like it’ll be the last until it happens again
The doubt no longer “if it happens” but “when”

Progressively tiring to fight a losing war
The enemy doesn’t fight, it just doesn’t care anymore
Until when must I bleed for two?
Until when must I battle for land I no longer belong to?

Loneliness is this beautiful shade of pitch black
It’s so quiet you can hear your heart crack
It’s so cold you forget what warmth is
Until you realize you’re not just looking at it, you’ve become the abyss

How much can I feel until I feel nothing at all?
How much can they hurt me until I build up that wall?
How many times can I beg for love until I see they have none for me?
How long will lies fool me until the truth I see?

The dark corner of my soul welcomes me with its quiet favorite track
Who knew this is what I’d get when all I wanted was to be loved back

My Hope for You

I hope one day you feel chosen
Hope that you stop wishing your heart was frozen
That you stop thinking love is a game you always lose
That you stop believing you’ll never be the one they choose

You’re probably tired of chasing after love
The kind they say fits you like a glove
You wouldn’t have to beg for it if it were real
If only you could control how you feel

I hope one day you realize you’re worthy of all the love there is
Even if you’ve only ever wanted his

Goodbye Letter

I realize now that I don’t belong in your life
I’ve tried to shrink myself to fit the tiny space you made for me
I’ve tried to love for the both of us
Now with pieces of my heart falling through my fingers
A former offering turned into evidence of the crime you committed
So this is my goodbye letter, for you I’ll make no more art
No more rhymes in these verses, no more tears in these eyes
No more making excuses for you, no more pretending it doesn’t hurt

I realize now that it’s not really up to me
I became all I thought you wanted me to be
I love you with all of me and more
For you, ready to fight a war
But it’s never really enough, is it?
Every time realization kicks in it destroys me bit by bit
Scared I’ll do too little or maybe overdo
“You deserve the world”, well all I wanted was you

I lied to myself again saying I wouldn’t write about this anymore
But that idea shakes me to the core
Truth is, you’re the only thing worth writing about
The inspiration I can’t imagine myself without
But I can’t keep fighting invisibility
Showed you all my vulnerability, trying to get that tranquility
So goodbye, maybe we’ll meet again and you’ll look in my eyes and realize your love is real
Maybe until then I’ll remember how good it is to feel, to love you
Something I vow to forever do
Yours,

Free-Fall

Midway through my fall I realized you weren’t with me at all
I looked at my empty hand and wondered if I’ll ever land
Will it hurt as I crash and burn? This time will I learn?

All the words were just that and I see it now
I believed everything, don’t even remember how
Bypassed every single red flag because I was so sure
Wanted to be loved so bad, I thought you were my cure
Turns out I was temporary, your love imaginary, overstayed my welcome, all these feelings I’m going to bury

You were my end-game, on my heart tattooed your name
Who would’ve known I meant nothing, like this verse without a rhyme I didn’t fit in you
And no matter how hard I tried I could never be enough, I pretend I’m strong but you called my bluff
Now I’m here free-falling into us while you look down, glad I could be your personal clown

Is it entertaining? To watch me straining?
To watch me still try to glue myself together to keep loving you whole?
To watch me still build back all the trust you stole?
To watch me still hope you’ll love me back?
My slow descent into madness, turning me into a maniac?

Am I that hard to love?
Is it that easy to let me go?
“Yes” is the answer and now I know

I wish the story ended differently
I wish you’d let me down gently
Instead, I’m falling for every detail of you
Soon hitting the ground as you’re not mine to belong to

The Queen of Broken Hearts

Given the choice, would you feel everything or nothing at all?
Build bridges or put up a wall?
Shrink within yourself or stand tall?
Leave forever or go running when they call?

Would you implode and crumble inside?
Would you explode and make everyone hide?
Would you bury the version of you that died?
Would you swallow every tear you’ve cried?

Given a choice, would you forgive and forget?
Would you bring them regret?
Your lack of action signaling a threat
A heart for a heart and you never forget a debt

Soaking up the pillows with righteous pain
Swearing to never fall in love again
Not enough words exist to explain
As you feel yourself slowly going insane

The path of no return chooses you, not the other way around
This new fountain of strength found
Screaming with all you’ve got but not making a sound
The queen of broken hearts has been crowned

Sometimes, Only Sometimes

Sometimes I think I’m hard to love
Like everyone else’s emotions fit like a glove
Like I need to find something else to do
Keep me from missing you
Something else to miss
Crave more than just your kiss
Someone else to love this deeply
Someone who doesn’t just want me briefly

Sometimes I think I ask for too much
Despising space, wanting your touch
Desiring nothing more than being desired
Loving for two is hard work and I’m tired
Running laps holding out my hand
Maybe it’s all too big of a demand
I just need you to take a step with me, don’t you understand?

Sometimes I think I’m being naive
When you say you’re changing and I just believe
When after all I know I would never leave
A baseless hope my brain manages to conceive
Another crack on my heart I’ve managed to achieve

Sometimes, only sometimes I feel so alone
No touch on my skin, no ring on my phone
Not sure about anyone’s feelings but my own
Too good to be true, I should’ve known
Crushing myself to pieces in this lonely throne

My Bad

I’m sorry, it was my bad, I believed what you said
Should’ve ignored my heart and gone with my head instead
Should’ve seen through, all the empty “I love you”s
Shouldn’t have jumped into, the shallowness we both knew

I’m just a hopeless romantic, what else can I say?
My hope gigantic, I’d still choose you everyday
The water I consciously drown in
Wondering if in the game of love I’ll ever win

All I want is you and for all you say to be true
To feel you on my skin, my favorite tattoo
To taste you on my lips, spell I can’t undo
To hear your voice on my ear, right on cue

Instead I see the cracks in the story you tell
Round of applause because I actually fell
Now it’s too obvious to ignore
Oh, your battery was dead? Please tell me more
You didn’t hear it ring? You didn’t see it blink?
You were doing a thing? So of me you didn’t think?

Yes, I’m mad
Mostly at myself though so don’t worry
You won’t need to say sorry
I confess I’ll miss the times we had
But I’m tired of being sad
Begging for love
I’ll stop trying and rise above

Can You See Me?

I tried to dig deep into this
Ended up buried in the abyss
The immensity of my love for you was surpassed
How could you get over me so fast?

Is any of it real? Can you actually see me?
What is it you conceal? Am I who you want me to be?
Do I even exist in the world inside your brain?
I’m loving for two and all it does is bring me pain
Does your heart even know my name?
Is this all just a game?

How can you not want me and still not let go?
You’re my number one idol and I’m the clown of your show
Breaking parts of me so more can love you
In the end I’m forgotten and alone, who knew

Should’ve read the fine print before I gave you my all
Should’ve known better before I let myself fall
Should’ve read between the lines, it was all in plain sight
Chose to ignore all the signs, turns out all my insecurity was right
Why would a person like you want a person like me, you’re too good and that’s alright

Standing ovation, you had me fooled
Gave all of me just to be ridiculed
The worst part of it has to be:
Even though you drowned me in this sea
There’s no one else I’d rather have kill me

A Sad Poem

Hello and welcome to the poetry of sadness
As I document my slow descent into madness
I open the door to my mind and let you peep
You’ll see how the river of pain flows deep

A bunch of words written in a page of my me
Wrapped in all the tears I refuse to let you see
It’s crazy how relatable pain can be
From the shadows in my brain I’ll never be free

A sad poem based on my stupidity, vulnerability, gullibility, instability
I believed your lies, cries, eyes, sad goodbyes

Turned into what I thought you wanted to be wanted by you
Believed all your words just to be slapped with the truth
I’m sorry to say that now we’re through
You broke my heart and I’m all out of glue

A sad poem is all you’ll be getting
Say goodbye, the sun is now setting
Take a bow, your role here is over
I don’t want you to be here when I’m sober

Would You?

What if I disappeared? Would you miss me then?
Would you think of me when you said “amen”?
Would you profess your love to everyone but me?
Would you finally show me what you said I didn’t see?

Would you stop telling lies?
Is it easier now that you don’t have to look me in the eyes?
Would you pretend to cry as they lower me to the ground?
I hope by then your heart is found

Would you glue the pieces of my heart you broke?
Would you confess it was all just a joke?
I was punk’d, believed you fell for me as deep as I fell for you
Now, on this side of pain I can see it was never true

Would you want a standing ovation? A round of applause?
Impressive acting skills, used just because
I write this hypothesis with blood in my fingers
Your last lie in my brain still lingers
Guess this is goodbye, pain jolted me awake
You can keep the rest of my heart, it was yours to take