“You’re Back!”

The dark corner of my soul welcomes me back
So far yet here again, I’m a selective amnesiac
Always seems like it’ll be the last until it happens again
The doubt no longer “if it happens” but “when”

Progressively tiring to fight a losing war
The enemy doesn’t fight, it just doesn’t care anymore
Until when must I bleed for two?
Until when must I battle for land I no longer belong to?

Loneliness is this beautiful shade of pitch black
It’s so quiet you can hear your heart crack
It’s so cold you forget what warmth is
Until you realize you’re not just looking at it, you’ve become the abyss

How much can I feel until I feel nothing at all?
How much can they hurt me until I build up that wall?
How many times can I beg for love until I see they have none for me?
How long will lies fool me until the truth I see?

The dark corner of my soul welcomes me with its quiet favorite track
Who knew this is what I’d get when all I wanted was to be loved back

My Hope for You

I hope one day you feel chosen
Hope that you stop wishing your heart was frozen
That you stop thinking love is a game you always lose
That you stop believing you’ll never be the one they choose

You’re probably tired of chasing after love
The kind they say fits you like a glove
You wouldn’t have to beg for it if it were real
If only you could control how you feel

I hope one day you realize you’re worthy of all the love there is
Even if you’ve only ever wanted his

Dear Child Me

If you were mine I’d read you stories until you fell asleep
I’d give you my strength whenever you felt weak
I’d hug you tighter and tighter every day
Love you in all and every way

If you were mine I’d hold your hand throughout your life
Never letting go even after handing you to a husband or wife
I’d see you, I’d listen to you and I’d believe you
I’d tell you how worthy you are of love even when you didn’t believe it was true

If you were mine I’d protect you against all the monsters
The ones in your head, out in the street and under your bed
I’d protect you from me, from my own fears
I’d cry with you whilst I dried your tears

If you were mine I’d say I’m proud
I’d make sure to scream it out loud
I wouldn’t wait until it was too late
I wouldn’t let you get filled with hate

Dear me, I’m sorry I wasn’t there
That you were alone, that no one seemed to care
I’m doing my best to make it up now, I swear
We’ll heal you together, our heart we’ll repair

Goodbye Letter

I realize now that I don’t belong in your life
I’ve tried to shrink myself to fit the tiny space you made for me
I’ve tried to love for the both of us
Now with pieces of my heart falling through my fingers
A former offering turned into evidence of the crime you committed
So this is my goodbye letter, for you I’ll make no more art
No more rhymes in these verses, no more tears in these eyes
No more making excuses for you, no more pretending it doesn’t hurt

I realize now that it’s not really up to me
I became all I thought you wanted me to be
I love you with all of me and more
For you, ready to fight a war
But it’s never really enough, is it?
Every time realization kicks in it destroys me bit by bit
Scared I’ll do too little or maybe overdo
“You deserve the world”, well all I wanted was you

I lied to myself again saying I wouldn’t write about this anymore
But that idea shakes me to the core
Truth is, you’re the only thing worth writing about
The inspiration I can’t imagine myself without
But I can’t keep fighting invisibility
Showed you all my vulnerability, trying to get that tranquility
So goodbye, maybe we’ll meet again and you’ll look in my eyes and realize your love is real
Maybe until then I’ll remember how good it is to feel, to love you
Something I vow to forever do
Yours,

Dear Love

I thought I’d write you a letter, those always make you smile
You’re a hopeless romantic though you pretend that’s not your style
I’m learning every part of you, you’re my favorite subject
And if at everything else I fail, the Art of loving you I’m going to perfect

I’m in love with you and I don’t say it nearly enough
You try to act nonchalant but I always catch your bluff
You’re the most beautiful human I’ve ever set my eyes on
And if it’s meant to be, I’m glad it’s you I’ve stumbled upon

You make me believe a higher power
I love you more every second, minute, hour
There’s no way this love is mundane
In every lifetime, I’d choose you again and again

Forever isn’t nearly enough for all my plans with you
The second our lips met, I just knew
There’s no one else I want to do this with
I thought loves like these were just a myth
Yet here I am, wanting your happiness more than I want mine
My love, you’re nothing less than divine
And if I had a wish, I wish this would last throughout eternity, in space and time

Yours,

Free-Fall

Midway through my fall I realized you weren’t with me at all
I looked at my empty hand and wondered if I’ll ever land
Will it hurt as I crash and burn? This time will I learn?

All the words were just that and I see it now
I believed everything, don’t even remember how
Bypassed every single red flag because I was so sure
Wanted to be loved so bad, I thought you were my cure
Turns out I was temporary, your love imaginary, overstayed my welcome, all these feelings I’m going to bury

You were my end-game, on my heart tattooed your name
Who would’ve known I meant nothing, like this verse without a rhyme I didn’t fit in you
And no matter how hard I tried I could never be enough, I pretend I’m strong but you called my bluff
Now I’m here free-falling into us while you look down, glad I could be your personal clown

Is it entertaining? To watch me straining?
To watch me still try to glue myself together to keep loving you whole?
To watch me still build back all the trust you stole?
To watch me still hope you’ll love me back?
My slow descent into madness, turning me into a maniac?

Am I that hard to love?
Is it that easy to let me go?
“Yes” is the answer and now I know

I wish the story ended differently
I wish you’d let me down gently
Instead, I’m falling for every detail of you
Soon hitting the ground as you’re not mine to belong to

The Queen of Broken Hearts

Given the choice, would you feel everything or nothing at all?
Build bridges or put up a wall?
Shrink within yourself or stand tall?
Leave forever or go running when they call?

Would you implode and crumble inside?
Would you explode and make everyone hide?
Would you bury the version of you that died?
Would you swallow every tear you’ve cried?

Given a choice, would you forgive and forget?
Would you bring them regret?
Your lack of action signaling a threat
A heart for a heart and you never forget a debt

Soaking up the pillows with righteous pain
Swearing to never fall in love again
Not enough words exist to explain
As you feel yourself slowly going insane

The path of no return chooses you, not the other way around
This new fountain of strength found
Screaming with all you’ve got but not making a sound
The queen of broken hearts has been crowned

Sometimes, Only Sometimes

Sometimes I think I’m hard to love
Like everyone else’s emotions fit like a glove
Like I need to find something else to do
Keep me from missing you
Something else to miss
Crave more than just your kiss
Someone else to love this deeply
Someone who doesn’t just want me briefly

Sometimes I think I ask for too much
Despising space, wanting your touch
Desiring nothing more than being desired
Loving for two is hard work and I’m tired
Running laps holding out my hand
Maybe it’s all too big of a demand
I just need you to take a step with me, don’t you understand?

Sometimes I think I’m being naive
When you say you’re changing and I just believe
When after all I know I would never leave
A baseless hope my brain manages to conceive
Another crack on my heart I’ve managed to achieve

Sometimes, only sometimes I feel so alone
No touch on my skin, no ring on my phone
Not sure about anyone’s feelings but my own
Too good to be true, I should’ve known
Crushing myself to pieces in this lonely throne

I Remember

Yesterday was your birthday, wish I forgot
Tried to forget but my stomach tied to a knot
All the times you asked for a gift came to mind
That version of me I wish I could leave behind
I was just a kid trying to be kind

Thought that was how love looked in your eyes
Thought it was normal, believed your lies
Thought I was crazy for feeling bad
Thought if I told anyone they’d be mad

Those birthdays you took something from me
From that moment, I was never free
No one saw the huge gap appearing in my mind
The parts of me I lost I can never find

Unfortunately I remember everything
Everyone else seems to have forgotten
How no one did anything
No matter how bad it has gotten

I remember every unwanted lick, every kiss
That touch I definitely don’t miss
I remember every force, every pain
“It’s your fault” you’d try to explain

I remember thinking I wanted it to end
Not being able to comprehend
Not knowing how to fix what I broke
And never one word I spoke

I remember hearing about death and wishing for it
My wrists trying to slit
My breath trying to stop
To the floor me and hope would drop

I remember thinking it was the last time and being wrong
Whenever it stopped was already too long
Wishing someone saw and stopped you
When that happened it seemed too good to be true

It was our little secret, I bet you remember just like me
Everyone got to know about it but you were there, see?
It might’ve slipped their mind, they might’ve let it go
But I know you didn’t, even if you don’t show

You told me to lie, to say we were playing
Weren’t we? What are you saying?
Did I do something wrong? Why is everyone yelling?
All those lies you were telling…

I’d never allowed myself to give you my art
I’m giving little me a voice and that’s a start
Happy fucking birthday and may you rot in hell
Goodbye, I do not wish you well

My Bad

I’m sorry, it was my bad, I believed what you said
Should’ve ignored my heart and gone with my head instead
Should’ve seen through, all the empty “I love you”s
Shouldn’t have jumped into, the shallowness we both knew

I’m just a hopeless romantic, what else can I say?
My hope gigantic, I’d still choose you everyday
The water I consciously drown in
Wondering if in the game of love I’ll ever win

All I want is you and for all you say to be true
To feel you on my skin, my favorite tattoo
To taste you on my lips, spell I can’t undo
To hear your voice on my ear, right on cue

Instead I see the cracks in the story you tell
Round of applause because I actually fell
Now it’s too obvious to ignore
Oh, your battery was dead? Please tell me more
You didn’t hear it ring? You didn’t see it blink?
You were doing a thing? So of me you didn’t think?

Yes, I’m mad
Mostly at myself though so don’t worry
You won’t need to say sorry
I confess I’ll miss the times we had
But I’m tired of being sad
Begging for love
I’ll stop trying and rise above